Pamela's Birthday 2022

The family at Grimaldi's (2016)

Today is Pamela's birthday.  The kids and I carried on our tradition of having Grimaldi's pizza and warm chocolate chip cookies in Pamela's honor.  At some point in the future this tradition may change or evolve, but for now, it suits our family well.  On a day filled with complex emotions, it's nice to have an easy and delicious dinner, followed by watching our favorite home videos of Pamela, while eating cookies.  It helps us lean into the celebration side of this day, appreciate our family, and remember the wonderful person Pamela was.  

Pamela's Birthday 2021

Pamela & Ryan - 2015

Today is Pamela's birthday.  Again we found ourselves enjoying pizza, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, and re-watching some of our favorite videos of Pamela to remember her.  This year, Ryan wanted to make a special trip to the store and get some flowers for Pamela that he thought she would like.  Ryan and Pamela had such a beautiful connection and I can see a lot of who she was continuing on through him.  A lot of the sweet, kind, smart, funny, and thoughtful kid he is today is because of her personality and the love she gave to him while she was with us.  Being around Ryan gives us all another way to remember Pamela, and his thoughtful gift of flowers gives him and our family another way to think of her today and the weeks to come.  

Pamela & Ryan - 2013

Pamela & Ryan - 2014

Pamela & Ryan - 2015

Pizza & Cookies - 2021

Flowers for Pamela

"Happy Birthday Mom"

Pamela's Birthday

Pamela's Birthday 3/8/2016 - Getting Pizza at Grimaldi's

Today is Pamela's birthday.  This is the fourth birthday we have celebrated without her and a tradition is starting to emerge.  We again decided to have pizza for dinner, which is still one of the family favorites.  For dessert we had warm chocolate chip cookies and watched some videos of Pamela with the kids.  The cookies are always a winner and the kids again really enjoyed seeing themselves as babies and interacting with their lovely mama.

Pizza is a Family Favorite, Even on Vacation (S.F. - Nov. 2013)

Pizza was One of Audrey's First Solid Foods (Feb. 2016)

10 Year Anniversary

October 3, 2019 would have been 10 years since Pamela and I were married.  That was one of the happiest days of our lives.  We were very fortunate to find each other and be able to come together and celebrate our partnership and union.  It was also wonderful to be able to celebrate it with many of our friends and family.  I know Pamela enjoyed all the planning and organizing almost as much as the actual ceremony and celebration itself.

I went back through the pictures from our wedding and wanted to share some of my favorite, non-staged pictures.  The posed pictures are fantastic but the great thing about the candid shots is they show more of a person's personality.  These pictures show the happy, funny, sweet, and silly Pamela we all remember and miss.

Pamela's Birthday

Pamela would have been 34 today. 
Even though she is not here with us, we decided we would celebrate in a way she would have enjoyed.  We went out to dinner at Pamela's favorite pizza place, Grimaldi's.  Then we came home and had fresh baked warm chocolate chip cookies for desert.  It sort of felt like the kind of weekday birthday celebration she would have picked.  Before bed I played some videos of Pamela and the kids that they hadn't seen in a while.  They both got a kick out of seeing themselves as babies and of course liked seeing their wonderful mom. 

Remembering Pamela

There are many ways to remember someone who has died. 

• Keep pictures of them up, so you can see them often.  
• Talk about them and share stories about them.    
• Go to places you went with them and do activities they liked to do.
• Volunteer or donate to a cause or charity they loved.  
• Sing a song you sang together or enjoyed listening to.
• Dedicate things or events to them or name them in their honor.  
• Try to be happy and grateful for the opportunities and events in your own life.  

Plus probably a thousand other ways and variations of these that I didn't mention.  The important part is doing whatever works and makes sense for you and for how you are feeling at the time.  I have done a lot and have tried many with the kids.  

This fall we planted memorial trees for Pamela.  We had one planted in each of the two parks near our house that Pamela liked going to with the kids, Hanger Park (Tempe) and Pine Shadows Park (Chandler).  Each city is different with their memorial tree program, but most at least offer some way to do it and let you pick the park.  In Chandler they can put a bronze plaque with the tree.  In Tempe they will let you participate in the planting.  In Scottsdale they will provide you with a certificate.  I know this last one because earlier in the year General Mills had a tree planted for Pamela at Scottsdale Ranch Park where they host the annual HopeKids picnic.  General Mills also renamed the event "Pamela's Picnic for Hope," which was extremely thoughtful and another wonderful way to remember Pamela.  

The kids enjoyed helping plant the tree, but probably had more fun just playing at the park afterwards :)  Still, it was a nice activity and great way to remember Pamela.  Every time we go to these parks we can look for Pamela's tree and the kids have another way to remember their mom.

Helping plant the tree at Hanger Park

Tree with a bronze plaque at Pine Shadows

10/3/2018

This October 3rd would have been our 9th wedding anniversary.

Most of our friends and family know that we liked to take a fun vacation to celebrate our anniversary each year.  Sometimes it was hard to find the time to take a trip, especially after we started our family.  Our lives seemed to be so busy that it was much harder to make the plans and schedule the getaway.  I'm so glad we did continue the tradition though.  Life is always busy and there will always be competing obligations but taking trips and spending time with the ones you love has to always take precedence.

The sayings and cliches about living for today and how tomorrow is never guaranteed seem overused and irrelevant until it becomes reality.

Our lives are precious and short, sometimes far too short.  It's important to realize that and take opportunities when they come up.  We should spend time with the ones we love, take those vacations, and make the people we love and care about our first priority.  The sayings are true, we don't regret the times we spent together, only that we wish we could have had more of them.  I am so grateful to have had some amazing ones with Pamela.

Maui - 2014

Maui - 2014

Pamela's 33rd Birthday

Pamela would have turned 33 today.  It's weird how the accident seems both very recent and a long time ago.  I suppose it depends on the day and the context.  I still recall vivid details about Pamela and our life together like she was here yesterday.  It doesn't seem that long ago that she was with us and we were enjoying our family time together.  But some days, as I adjust to our new routine, it seems like a long time has passed since Pamela has been a part of it and so much has changed.

Although it is impossible to make up for the loss of Pamela, our friends and family have helped out tremendously.  I want to thank all the friends who have come over to play with the kids so they know it's okay to have fun.  Thank you to everyone who has helped me watch the kids and babysit so I can step back and recharge or have a moment to myself.  I know Pamela would be happy knowing that so many people have come forward to do what they can to support me and the kids.

I think it's important to step back and reflect every so often.  It would be nice if everyone would take a moment and reflect on the fact of how precious and fragile life can be.  We should appreciate those around us and be grateful for all that we have.  We are fortunate to be alive, and to have everything else we take for granted.  Thinking of what can happen or has happened in our lives puts things into a new perspective.  We should prioritize the important things, tell people that we love them, spend time with those we care about, and do what we love.  In honor of Pamela, please tell someone you love them, be kind to a stranger, or do something that makes you happy.

Thanksgiving

Although this has been a difficult year, I still have many things to be thankful for.  These two miraculous kids are something to be thankful for everyday.  At this time last year, their futures were very uncertain, especially Audrey's.  The progress they have made this year is incredible and I'm still amazed looking at them today, knowing what they have been through.

I'm thankful for all the men and women who choose to become firefighters, police officers, and EMTs.  These people work challenging and sometimes dangerous jobs so that they are around to help in case of an emergency.  The individuals from Chandler, Tempe, and Phoenix all answered that call for my kids and I am thankful for them. 

I'm thankful for all of the doctors, nurses, therapists, and everyone else who helped my children in the hospital and throughout this past year.  They go through years of school and training to be ready to care for the sick and injured.  From Audrey's brain surgeon, to all of the physical therapists, and to every nurse that watched over Ryan and Audrey we are thankful for your caring nature and help throughout the healing process.

Most of all, I am thankful for our friends and family.  We have such a fantastic support network that has helped us get through this last year.  So many people with busy lives of their own dropped everything to help us and be there when we needed them.  Even neighbors, coworkers, and people I didn't know before came forward with compassion, understanding, and wide ranging support of all kinds.  I'm thankful to be part of such a loving family, to have so many thoughtful friends, and live in a kind and generous community. 

10/3/2017

Some very kind and smart friends of mine have said that instead of being sad Pamela is gone we should feel blessed for the gift of having Pamela in our lives.  

October 3rd was our wedding anniversary and this year would have been 8 years.  Our honeymoon in Maui was our favorite vacation together.  Every year after that we tried to go on equally wonderful vacations or do something special together around this time.  In recent years the trips were scaled back somewhat but the fun and quality time spent together was just as good as our first vacation as husband and wife.  

Last year we took a few days off during the week and went to Vegas for some fun and time to reconnect.  Since it was only a couple days and just to Vegas we decided we would really treat ourselves.  We booked a suite at the Bellagio, went to a show, booked an in-room massage, and ate at some awesome restaurants.

It was a great vacation and I’m very thankful that we were able to go and spend that quality time together.  These were a couple of the pictures from that trip that we didn’t get a chance to post (11/8-11/10).  

Pamela's 32nd Birthday

Years ago, for my 27th birthday, Pamela put together a list of 27 things that she loved about me.  It was such a sweet gesture, and one of the nicest birthday presents ever.  This year, for Pamela’s 32nd birthday, I made a list of 32 things I loved about Pamela.

1. Her Smile.  She had the kindest and most infectious smile.  It would brighten the room and make all those around her smile as well.   
2. Love for the kids.  She loved them with all her heart and you could tell by the things she said and the things she would do for them.  
3. Sense of style.  She had such good personal style in the clothes she would wear, the jewelery, hair, and makeup.  Everything worked together and it was always a classy, timeless look.  Never over the top trendy, just plain good style that looked as good today as it would 10 years from now.  
4. Style for me and for the kids.  It’s no surprise that Pamela was in charge of picking out the clothes for the rest of the family as well.  She made sure we were all looking good.
5. Driven with her career.  She was always a great businesswoman and worker.  She focused and worked so hard at her job.  She was going to go back to full time at her job once the kids were in school.  She wanted to continue to have a fulfilling career outside of the house.
6. Saving Money.  She was such a good saver.  Together we were a savings machine.  Saving for a down payment, new cars, vacations, you name it.  We would set our goals and get there every time.  We also had such a good head start on the kids college funds and our retirement funds.
7. Her body.  She had an amazing physique that any woman would be proud of, let alone a mother of 2 kids.  She was dedicated and worked at it.  She watched her diet, drank lots of water, and made sure to be active as much as possible.  
8. Patience.  Any parent can understand how patience is such an important quality.  Even when the kids weren’t quite behaving she would remain calm and kind with them.
9. Competitive spirit (but always in a good way).  She loved to play games and compete and wanted to be the best at whatever we were doing or playing.  But no matter the outcome or who was winning, she was always encouraging and having fun.
10. Love for helping others.  The entire time I knew her and before that she really loved helping others.  She made it a priority and found time to help others even when our lives were busy and hectic.  
11. Kindness.  I have never met anyone so kind.  She would always show compassion and caring for everyone no matter who they were or where we were.  
12. Holiday spirit.  I loved this about her because it complemented my lack of spirit for most holidays.  She was great about decorating and doing fun activities surrounding each holiday and it really taught me to enjoy them more.
13. Generosity.  Among the many things Pamela taught me, this was another one.  She set a great example for me of how a person can and should be generous towards others.  With time, money, and other resources.  
14. Sense of humor.  Hard to describe this one other than we could always make each other laugh and smile :)
15. Supportive.  She was always my biggest supporter and advocate.  Pamela always had my back and wanted nothing more than for me to succeed at my goals.  
16. Fun.  I think it was because of her attitude, she could make anything fun.  If you’re positive and looking to have a good time, then you will certainly find it no matter what you’re doing.  
17. Toughness/Wellness.  Even when me and the kids and everyone around us would come down with the flu or a cold, somehow Pamela would stay well.  I was thankful for this many times because we all needed someone to stay well and keep things running.  
18. Beautiful.  She was so beautiful. :)
19. Fair and Moral.  Maybe because she was a middle child she had such a strong grasp on what was the most fair and moral route in any situation.  She was a good compass to turn to in tricky situations and I could always trust her judgement.
20. Video Games.  I loved that she enjoyed playing video games.  We would sometimes play together but also played separately at times.  Her favorite games were time management games like the Delicious series.  Our favorite video game to play together was Guitar Hero.
21. Good Listener.  Always attentive and interested in what you had to say.  She truly cared about the conversations and would remember the things you talked about.
22. Adventurous.  She was always willing to try something new.  Sometimes experiences and often times new restaurants.  This was one of those things I loved about her because it complemented my personality so well.  Her adventurousness helped open me up as a person.
23. Happy.  Not a fake kind of happy either.  She was genuinely happy a majority of the time.  I loved being around her because she was so happy it just made me happier being close to her and doing things with her.
24. Good Dancer.  It’s how we met after all.  She asked me to dance and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.  
25. Good Singer & Rapper.  This was a bit of a secret talent of Pamela’s; definitely something you wouldn’t guess judging by her appearance.  She was a surprisingly good rapper.  I think she knew all the songs from the 90s but knew some modern songs as well.  
26. Her love for Jordan.  Before the kids, she treated Jordan like our child.  She always made sure Jordan was very well cared for and felt loved.  There’s a reason why Jordan would follow Pamela around and it wasn’t just for the treats.  Pamela loved her and Jordan loved her back.  
27. Pamela would get up first thing in the morning with the kids on the weekends so I could sleep in a little bit before breakfast.  It was only an extra hour but it would make a big difference in my energy level throughout the day.  
28. Pamela would keep me up to date on entertainment and social items that I had no idea about.  She knew all the details about events going on and would organize our calendar with things to do.  Without her, I would have been a lot more isolated from the outside world.  
29. She would always stand up for me and make sure I was treated with respect by everyone.  Nothing would get her more fired up than if someone treated me poorly.  I know she would do anything to make sure I was protected emotionally and physically at all times.
30. Pamela had such a caring group of friends and family around her.  Pamela cultivated a great network of people that she loved and that loved her back.  They all welcomed me in as one of their own and continue to care for and support Ryan, Audrey, and me.
31. Pamela was so good about documenting our lives.  She suggested we start a blog.  She took most of the pictures and videos that I have of our family today.  It never got in the way and she was always able to take a picture or remember details to write down later.  I appreciate it and I know the kids will appreciate the ability to look back on the memories from their first few years.  
32. Pamela was such an amazing person in so many ways, it was hard to narrow down this list.  We were all very fortunate to have known her and have her in our lives.  I was incredibly lucky to be able to call her my wife.  She was my best friend and she completed me as a person.  I loved her with all of my heart and she loved me the same.  We made each other so happy and I will always cherish the time we had together.    

Milk Jug Jack-O-Lanterns

For the last couple of years we have done milk jug jack-o-lanterns as a part of our Halloween decorations.  Pamela saw someone post these things on line and figured it would be fun to try.  So a few weeks or months before Halloween we start saving up milk jugs for the project.  All you have to do is draw funny/scary/happy faces on the jugs with a sharpie.  I'm sure there are fancier ways to make these but they always turn out great.  When we put them out we will cut an access flap in the back to stick a few heavy rocks. This keeps them from knocking over if it gets windy.  Then we run some plain white Christmas lights between the jugs and into each milk jug-o-lantern to light them up.

I keep this picture as a template for fun faces to draw

Even in the daytime they are fun

Jack-O-Lantern Update

At Night - Glowing Elmo

A few years ago I posted about the fun Jack-O-Lanterns we like to make.  It appears we may have taken a year or two off from carving pumpkins, or at least posting about them.  I'm sure we have still done pumpkins but they apparently have not been as photo worthy.  I did find some pictures from '14 where we did a fun one with Ryan.  At the time Sesame Street, and Elmo in particular, were his favorite!

With the lights on - Elmo is carved in relief

These are the only other pumpkin pictures I could find since then.  Ryan dressed as a pumpkin for Halloween and I of course dressed as a pumpkin farmer.

Ryan Pumpkin

Ryan and me dressed up - Halloween 2015

Date Night Phoenix - POSH Restaurant

Matt and I need to get better about going on frequent, scheduled date nights, but it's been tough with work travel and kid schedules and life in general.  But one thing that we always make it out for is Arizona Restaurant Week!!  Typically, we'll try to find some new places to try based on how yummy their prix fix menus look.  But this time, we decided to go back to an old favorite - POSH.

They call themselves "improvisational cuisine" because there is no set menu when you get there.  It's a list of items that could potentially be served that night, and you cross off anything that you absolutely would not want to eat.  Matt is brave and adventurous, so he doesn't cross off anything and leaves it up to the food fates.  I cross off a few things (I'm not big on red fish or animals that I've owned as pets), and then we waited for the courses to start coming.  You choose how many courses you want at the beginning (4, 5 or 6) and whether or not you want a wine pairing with each course (we were driving, so nope!)

Amuse-Bouche:
Little bite to kick off the meal: we both got a Basil Leaf with Cucumber and Coconut Ricotta.  Tasty and refreshing!

Course 1 - Salads: 
Matt got a Watermelon & Tomato salad topped with mint leaves.  Very summery and light, and Matt enjoyed it even though he's not typically a tomato fan.
I got a Butternut Squash puree with Sweet Potato Chips.  Fall-tastic flavor.
Winner: Tie

Course 2 - Fish:
Matt got an Uni mousse with Cucumber Wasabi sauce.  Neither of us had tried Uni before, and I was pleasantly surprised at how un-fishy it tasted.  It was strange to eat something that for sure does not look edible to me when I see it in the ocean :)
I got seared Scallops with Jalapeno sauce and Popcorn.  Who doesn't like popcorn?  It added an interesting crunch to the meal, and the scallops were cooked perfectly.
Winner: Pamela

Course 3 - White Meat:
Matt got Escargot with Purple and Fingerling Potatoes.  I would not try the snails.  Gross.  Matt didn't love them, but didn't hate them either.
I got Sesame-crusted Pork Tenderloin.  I'll never be able to cook a pork chop this well if I tried my whole life.  Why is pork so hard to cook?!
Winner: Clearly Pamela

Course 4 - Dark Meat:
Matt got Goose Breast with Plum and Porridge.  I joked that it might be the most Charles-Dickensy Christmas meal I'd ever heard of.  I tried a bite even though I had geese growing up because geese are jerks and sometimes bite your toes.
I got an amazing take on the BLT - thick-cut Wild Boar Bacon on a compressed Tomato and Romaine leaf.  SO delicious.
Winner: Once again, Pamela

Course 5 - Dessert:
Matt got a Chocolate Ganache cream bar with Caramel Sauce and Chocolate crumbles.  It was insanely rich.
I got a Peach Caputte (pattotie? carpute? I couldn't even Google this one... I have no idea what the waitress called this thing!) with Cream
Winner: depends on what mood you're in - Matt won for decadence, mine was nice and light

Finally, they top off the meal by giving you frozen Passion Fruit Lollipops with your check.  It was a great, exciting meal and a fun way to spend our night out.  We always recommend POSH to people looking for a fun, interesting and adventurous date night!