10 Year Anniversary

October 3, 2019 would have been 10 years since Pamela and I were married.  That was one of the happiest days of our lives.  We were very fortunate to find each other and be able to come together and celebrate our partnership and union.  It was also wonderful to be able to celebrate it with many of our friends and family.  I know Pamela enjoyed all the planning and organizing almost as much as the actual ceremony and celebration itself.

I went back through the pictures from our wedding and wanted to share some of my favorite, non-staged pictures.  The posed pictures are fantastic but the great thing about the candid shots is they show more of a person's personality.  These pictures show the happy, funny, sweet, and silly Pamela we all remember and miss.

Pamela's Birthday

Pamela would have been 34 today. 
Even though she is not here with us, we decided we would celebrate in a way she would have enjoyed.  We went out to dinner at Pamela's favorite pizza place, Grimaldi's.  Then we came home and had fresh baked warm chocolate chip cookies for desert.  It sort of felt like the kind of weekday birthday celebration she would have picked.  Before bed I played some videos of Pamela and the kids that they hadn't seen in a while.  They both got a kick out of seeing themselves as babies and of course liked seeing their wonderful mom. 

Remembering Pamela

There are many ways to remember someone who has died. 

• Keep pictures of them up, so you can see them often.  
• Talk about them and share stories about them.    
• Go to places you went with them and do activities they liked to do.
• Volunteer or donate to a cause or charity they loved.  
• Sing a song you sang together or enjoyed listening to.
• Dedicate things or events to them or name them in their honor.  
• Try to be happy and grateful for the opportunities and events in your own life.  

Plus probably a thousand other ways and variations of these that I didn't mention.  The important part is doing whatever works and makes sense for you and for how you are feeling at the time.  I have done a lot and have tried many with the kids.  

This fall we planted memorial trees for Pamela.  We had one planted in each of the two parks near our house that Pamela liked going to with the kids, Hanger Park (Tempe) and Pine Shadows Park (Chandler).  Each city is different with their memorial tree program, but most at least offer some way to do it and let you pick the park.  In Chandler they can put a bronze plaque with the tree.  In Tempe they will let you participate in the planting.  In Scottsdale they will provide you with a certificate.  I know this last one because earlier in the year General Mills had a tree planted for Pamela at Scottsdale Ranch Park where they host the annual HopeKids picnic.  General Mills also renamed the event "Pamela's Picnic for Hope," which was extremely thoughtful and another wonderful way to remember Pamela.  

The kids enjoyed helping plant the tree, but probably had more fun just playing at the park afterwards :)  Still, it was a nice activity and great way to remember Pamela.  Every time we go to these parks we can look for Pamela's tree and the kids have another way to remember their mom.

Helping plant the tree at Hanger Park

Tree with a bronze plaque at Pine Shadows

10/3/2018

This October 3rd would have been our 9th wedding anniversary.

Most of our friends and family know that we liked to take a fun vacation to celebrate our anniversary each year.  Sometimes it was hard to find the time to take a trip, especially after we started our family.  Our lives seemed to be so busy that it was much harder to make the plans and schedule the getaway.  I'm so glad we did continue the tradition though.  Life is always busy and there will always be competing obligations but taking trips and spending time with the ones you love has to always take precedence.

The sayings and cliches about living for today and how tomorrow is never guaranteed seem overused and irrelevant until it becomes reality.

Our lives are precious and short, sometimes far too short.  It's important to realize that and take opportunities when they come up.  We should spend time with the ones we love, take those vacations, and make the people we love and care about our first priority.  The sayings are true, we don't regret the times we spent together, only that we wish we could have had more of them.  I am so grateful to have had some amazing ones with Pamela.

Maui - 2014

Maui - 2014

Pamela's 33rd Birthday

Pamela would have turned 33 today.  It's weird how the accident seems both very recent and a long time ago.  I suppose it depends on the day and the context.  I still recall vivid details about Pamela and our life together like she was here yesterday.  It doesn't seem that long ago that she was with us and we were enjoying our family time together.  But some days, as I adjust to our new routine, it seems like a long time has passed since Pamela has been a part of it and so much has changed.

Although it is impossible to make up for the loss of Pamela, our friends and family have helped out tremendously.  I want to thank all the friends who have come over to play with the kids so they know it's okay to have fun.  Thank you to everyone who has helped me watch the kids and babysit so I can step back and recharge or have a moment to myself.  I know Pamela would be happy knowing that so many people have come forward to do what they can to support me and the kids.

I think it's important to step back and reflect every so often.  It would be nice if everyone would take a moment and reflect on the fact of how precious and fragile life can be.  We should appreciate those around us and be grateful for all that we have.  We are fortunate to be alive, and to have everything else we take for granted.  Thinking of what can happen or has happened in our lives puts things into a new perspective.  We should prioritize the important things, tell people that we love them, spend time with those we care about, and do what we love.  In honor of Pamela, please tell someone you love them, be kind to a stranger, or do something that makes you happy.

Thanksgiving

Although this has been a difficult year, I still have many things to be thankful for.  These two miraculous kids are something to be thankful for everyday.  At this time last year, their futures were very uncertain, especially Audrey's.  The progress they have made this year is incredible and I'm still amazed looking at them today, knowing what they have been through.

I'm thankful for all the men and women who choose to become firefighters, police officers, and EMTs.  These people work challenging and sometimes dangerous jobs so that they are around to help in case of an emergency.  The individuals from Chandler, Tempe, and Phoenix all answered that call for my kids and I am thankful for them. 

I'm thankful for all of the doctors, nurses, therapists, and everyone else who helped my children in the hospital and throughout this past year.  They go through years of school and training to be ready to care for the sick and injured.  From Audrey's brain surgeon, to all of the physical therapists, and to every nurse that watched over Ryan and Audrey we are thankful for your caring nature and help throughout the healing process.

Most of all, I am thankful for our friends and family.  We have such a fantastic support network that has helped us get through this last year.  So many people with busy lives of their own dropped everything to help us and be there when we needed them.  Even neighbors, coworkers, and people I didn't know before came forward with compassion, understanding, and wide ranging support of all kinds.  I'm thankful to be part of such a loving family, to have so many thoughtful friends, and live in a kind and generous community. 

10/3/2017

Some very kind and smart friends of mine have said that instead of being sad Pamela is gone we should feel blessed for the gift of having Pamela in our lives.  

October 3rd was our wedding anniversary and this year would have been 8 years.  Our honeymoon in Maui was our favorite vacation together.  Every year after that we tried to go on equally wonderful vacations or do something special together around this time.  In recent years the trips were scaled back somewhat but the fun and quality time spent together was just as good as our first vacation as husband and wife.  

Last year we took a few days off during the week and went to Vegas for some fun and time to reconnect.  Since it was only a couple days and just to Vegas we decided we would really treat ourselves.  We booked a suite at the Bellagio, went to a show, booked an in-room massage, and ate at some awesome restaurants.

It was a great vacation and I’m very thankful that we were able to go and spend that quality time together.  These were a couple of the pictures from that trip that we didn’t get a chance to post (11/8-11/10).